I haven’t actually read the Vogue article yet, but I’ve seen the TikToks and honestly, the reactions have been fascinating. What strikes me most is how refreshing it is to see women embracing singlehood. For so long, society framed being single as a flaw, as if not “bagging” a man meant something was wrong with us. But the truth is, there’s nothing wrong with women who choose themselves. We’re simply tired of accepting mediocrity.
I say that from experience. I spent 11 years in a long-term relationship, one that began when I was far too young to understand what love or partnership truly meant. By 27, I knew it was time to leave and start again. Those first few years of single life were liberating. Then, life surprised me, I reconnected with someone I’d known for years on the DJ scene. A friendship became something deeper, and eventually, it led to having twins together.
Eighteen months after the girls were born, I ended the relationship. It wasn’t a decision I made lightly, nor one I didn’t try to fight for. But sometimes, the bravest thing a woman can do is choose peace, even when it comes at a cost.
Since 2015, I’ve been single. And I can honestly say, I’ve never been happier. That’s not to say I haven’t occasionally romanticised the idea of being in a relationship, but those thoughts are tinted by nostalgia, not truth. The reality is, the kind of love I want either doesn’t exist in my world right now, or God simply hasn’t led me to it yet.
Because what I want is simple, yet rare.
Honesty. Loyalty. Respect.
Kindness, compassion, and genuine care.
A man grounded in faith, who sees the real me and shows up with the same devotion I’d give in return.
What I no longer want is stress, tension, or the gnawing paranoia that comes from dishonesty. I’ve lived that life. The one where you start to doubt yourself because someone else can’t be truthful. Let’s stop pretending women are “crazy” – they make us crazy, and they know exactly what they’re doing. The idea that men are just “simple” or “don’t think” is a tired excuse. We know better.
Relationship
Noun: The way in which two or more people or things are connected; the state of being connected.
So yes, when I see women tolerating poor behaviour, or hear them define themselves through a man, it is embarrassing – not because they’re in relationships, but because they’ve been taught to lose themselves within them.
Even in love, I’ve always remained me. I never sacrificed friendships or family for a man, and I never will. Men come and go, but real friends endure. I’ve watched women give up everything for relationships that crumble and they’re left wondering who they are without him.
This mindset runs deep. Our mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers fought relentlessly to escape toxic marriages, to earn respect in workplaces, to simply be seen. We stand on the shoulders of women who refused to settle. They understood something we often forget: freedom. And we, the women of today, too often give that freedom away for a man offering only 25% effort.
The age of the “trad wife”, the submissive woman defined by her servitude is fading. A new era is here. Women are awakening, stepping into their power, and reclaiming the energy once wasted on proving themselves to men. The truth? When we stop chasing and start receiving, we thrive.
Ignore the noise that says women can’t have it all. With the grace of God, we absolutely can. We can be safe, seen, and heard. We can lead, nurture, build, and provide.
According to the World Health Organisation, one in three women globally have experienced physical or sexual violence from a partner or non-partner. And that’s only what’s been reported.
So take this as your sign: live boldly. Pour into yourself. Don’t shrink your dreams or silence your voice for anyone. The patriarchal structures that once confined us are crumbling and the men of God, real men, will stand beside us, not above us.
We owe it to ourselves, and to every generation of women that follows, to keep rising.
