Any kind of abstaining is deeply personal and the decision to do so has to feel right for you. It usually begins with a quiet awareness: that something in your life no longer aligns with your values. Maybe it’s dulling your spark, blocking your growth, or pulling you further from your truest self.
For me, abstaining has always felt like freedom. You’re no longer chained to that old version of yourself – the smoker, the drinker, the attention-seeker. You stop craving validation from anyone. You go against the norm and feel lighter, freer, knowing you’re no longer a slave to what once controlled you.
My own journey with abstaining began in 2014, when I decided to go vegan. It wasn’t about chasing a label – it started as a quiet awakening. I began to truly see the cruelty behind the food on my plate, and I didn’t want to be part of that cycle anymore. I cut out meat first, then dairy, then animal-tested products. It took about a year, but I’ve never looked back. Eleven years later, it remains one of the best choices I’ve ever made.
By 2015–2016, I started questioning my relationship with coffee and alcohol. I asked myself why I consumed them and how they actually made me feel. Reading Allen Carr’s Easy Way books was a turning point – they stripped away the illusion and helped me face the emotional undercurrents behind each habit.
Drinking, for me, was a way to avoid feeling. It numbed pain I didn’t want to confront. I only drank when my daughters were with their dad, just in case I needed to drive in an emergency. Deep down, I knew if I had to be that careful around alcohol, it no longer had a place in my life.
I stayed sober for nearly four years and learned more about myself than I ever expected – the awkwardness of social settings, the discomfort of not fitting in, and the realisation that it’s often others who struggle more with your abstinence than you do.
Then came the third COVID lockdown. Like many, I found the isolation and monotony heavy, and I slipped back into old habits. I was gutted – but I gave myself grace. Sometimes, survival is all you can manage. I continued drinking occasionally until Christmas 2024, when I decided I was done for good. I haven’t had a drink since, and this time, it feels different. There’s no struggle, no focus on what I’m “missing.” I’m simply content being a non-drinker.
Life looks different now – quieter, more grounded. I’d rather wander around a National Trust site than waste a night in a club. Stepping away from work events drenched in drinking culture has been a blessing too. I did rekindle my love for coffee, though – but herbal teas, I’m coming back for you soon.
Beyond food and drink, I’ve also chosen to abstain from sexual relationships. I’ve been single for over a decade – no dating, no meeting anyone. That decision came from a place of healing. I wanted to focus on my children, rebuild my life, and rediscover who I was outside of relationships. It’s something I’m deeply proud of. I know that when I meet the right man, he’ll understand why I chose this path and appreciate the strength it took. If I can abstain for over ten years, I’m certainly not rushing into anything lightly.
Abstaining, in all its forms, has given me clarity, self-respect, spiritual peace, and freedom. It’s not about deprivation – it’s about alignment. Choosing what truly supports your wellbeing, your values, and your peace of mind. I know God guided me through that process – to see through the noise, face each system, and walk away without ever needing to look back.
Maybe abstaining looks different for you – from social media, toxic friendships, or even negative self-talk. Whatever it is, stepping back creates space for something far more powerful to step in.
Have you ever chosen to abstain from something that no longer felt right in your life? What did you learn about yourself through that process? I’d love to hear your story in the comments below.
